Stimulating myself (it’s not what you think!)

(H/T K T Cat)

Somehow I managed to sneak into the stimulus bill.

Don’t believe me, this is Title III, Subtitle A of the bill:

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Justin Yarbrough for the Justin Yarbrough Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $1,007,297,449.05 shall be paid directly to Justin Yarbrough in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Justin Yarbrough to construct a water recycling facility or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Justin Yarbrough will receive free Houston Astros tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Justin Yarbrough shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Nancy Pelosi is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

See, I’m totally in there!

If you want to be in the stimulus bill, all you have to do is fill out this form.