Conserving water 101

We’ve been asked to cut back on non-essential water use by 30%.

This is the first time I can remember that we’ve been asked to do this. We probably have before, but I just didn’t notice it.

Anyway, here are a few simple tips for people who are unfamiliar with how to conserve water:

• Don’t wash your car daily. Washing your car daily uses up tons of water and makes people (like myself) who can’t remember the last time they washed their car look bad. You don’t want to make me look bad, do you?
• Don’t run your sprinkler system every day. Sure, your yard might not look as good as you’d like, but it won’t be any worse than that neighbor of yours that never does anything to his yard either.
• Drink less water. You may wonder how you can manage to drink less water, but it’s actually quite easy to do. When you find yourself wanting a tall glass of water after you get home from work, have a beer instead. Not only will you be conserving water, but you’ll get drunk, which will make you feel better… at least until the next morning.
• Shower five times a week instead of daily. I’m sure there’s a couple days on your weekly calendar where you could get by without one. Do so. If somebody says something to you about it, just point out that you were trying to conserve water. You’ll still stink, but at least you look like you care.
• Oh, wait, scratch that last one. You might be confused for a hippie and get punched in the face.
• On a related note, don’t let naked PETA protestors shower on the sidewalk in your town. She was doing it to make some point about conserving water somehow, but I forget what it is.

Now you can go save enough water to fill up any lake out there!