Yesterday I had to send my brother an email so he could send me some stuff.
I got a corny idea for a little gag, so I sent this in the body:
This is my email. There are many like it but this one is mine. My email is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my email is useless. Without my email I am useless. I must fire my email true. I must email straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must email him before he emails me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my email and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
Of course, it was wasted since he’s never seen Full Metal Jacket.